You're a womanizer and a bitch.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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