The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
