My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
