you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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