I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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