you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
