How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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