Texts From Last Night

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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."

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  (802): Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami." http://tfl.nu/q4af
  Replies (17) Good night (738) Bad night (3959)
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  (408): View more from California

  um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.

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  (408): um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend. http://tfl.nu/849c
  Replies (48) Good night (5917) Bad night (948)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  New charity walk idea!

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  (703): Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished. (202): New charity walk idea! http://tfl.nu/skxt
  Replies (31) Good night (13332) Bad night (1026)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.

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  (502): I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart. http://tfl.nu/9vpe
  Replies (50) Good night (6073) Bad night (1310)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.

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  (815): I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off. http://tfl.nu/09ia
  Replies (11) Good night (2853) Bad night (1107)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's like her boobs came off with her bra

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  (412): it's like her boobs came off with her bra http://tfl.nu/ua1r
  Replies (55) Good night (1704) Bad night (15624)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.

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  (250): the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember. http://tfl.nu/upty
  Replies (18) Good night (4256) Bad night (1137)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have to get rid of the hedgehog.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Does it come with a cage?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yes. and food and toys.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  i'll trade you an 8th for it

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  deal.

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  (201): i have to get rid of the hedgehog. (765): Does it come with a cage? (201): yes. and food and toys. (765): i'll trade you an 8th for it (201): deal. http://tfl.nu/2d4g
  Replies (26) Good night (9904) Bad night (1262)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.

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  (660): I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night. http://tfl.nu/myre
  Replies (3) Good night (3034) Bad night (1237)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.

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  (509): You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed. http://tfl.nu/gs8p
  Replies (7) Good night (1282) Bad night (952)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War

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  (704): If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War http://tfl.nu/ppmx
  Replies (1) Good night (837) Bad night (626)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.

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  (612): I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name. http://tfl.nu/i0ig
  Replies (8) Good night (613) Bad night (1196)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.

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  (402): I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story. http://tfl.nu/wp0p
  Replies (11) Good night (741) Bad night (1905)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident

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  (610): Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident http://tfl.nu/o3n7
  Replies (8) Good night (559) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  It's important to play to your strengths.

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  (818): It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014. (440): It's important to play to your strengths. http://tfl.nu/uc6m
  Replies (0) Good night (705) Bad night (447)

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