your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
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ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.