so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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