I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
