my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
