Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
