you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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