I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
