so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
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He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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