This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
