1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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