i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
