non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
