it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
