I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
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she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
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This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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