glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
