i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
