I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
