he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dicks are not precious.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
