well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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