I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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