i just wanna soil my oats bro
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I believe in your delicious
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