Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
