yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
