This girl is more easily done than said...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
