There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This is classic penis vs brain.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
