Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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