Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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