he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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