This dress was meant to end up on your floor
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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