you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
