i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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