I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
