god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
