some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
