I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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