Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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