I puked a lego.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I touched a dick in church today
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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