i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like death gave me a hand job
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
