...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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