I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
