How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
