just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize