if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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