i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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