News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
