Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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