Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
