she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
