sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
