I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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