oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
