3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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