I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
