On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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