Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
