I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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