Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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