the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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