At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
