What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
