Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize