sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
