A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my shit smells like andre
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
